Viva Delmarva
The first time I moved to Delmarva it was blind and by accident. The fact that I left and moved back is less a reflection on what it’s like here than what it’s like to be in the hotel business in Williamsburg, Va. (I’ll give you a hint. It sucks).
Although my return here was scheduled to be a temporary one it’s recently come to my attention that unless my children betray me I won’t leave until my ashes are sprinkled elsewhere (note to my kids: Seriously, don’t screw with the dead).
But given that I hope to die of extreme old age in my sleep I’ve decided to embrace my Eastern Shore-ness and go out and seek the various diversions Delmarva has to offer.*
There’s a story by David Foster Wallace about attending a porn convention. One of his tour guides declares the convention an “irony-free zone.” I like that description a lot. I’m totally borrowing it.
Delmarva is an irony-free zone. In these accounts there is no hint of postmodern self-awareness except where noted (hint: there won’t be any).
*I’m reminded here of the barmaid in the Blues brothers: “Oh we got both kinds [of music] Country and Western.”
Tuesday 05 January, 2010 : Viva Delmarva
Yeah, I'm a real sensitive guy.
My daughter Megan had a friend over for dinner recently. I was on one of my rants − I really really hate the “Christmas Shoes” song − and for emphasis I said that, given the chance and a time machine, I would totally kill the Christmas Shoes guy before I killed Hitler. It was a variation on the “shoot the lawyer twice” joke, I thought, and not a revelation of my shallowness and insensitivity.
It was pointed out then − and has been pointed out thoroughly since − that this kind of utterance is in bad taste. Even when the dinner guests are not Jewish.
Yeah.
But what if my words were somehow made tangible? What if instead of having my tasteless joke float away into the atmosphere I was left with a statue of Hitler and I laughing while shooting the “Christmas Shoes” Bastard (CSB)? more »
Wednesday 18 November, 2009 : Viva Delmarva
You can't have it.
You know you’re getting old when minor trespassing gives you a thrill. True, it wasn’t a significant blood-pressure increase but it was enough to begin to shake the weekend ennui out of my head. It was also enough to get me to rethink my resistance to becoming a Delmartian.
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Saturday 03 October, 2009 : Evolution Brewery, Viva Delmarva
Emancipator? I hardly know'er!
The joke goes like this: You ask your audience how every racist joke begins. Then you look around slowly to make sure no one resembling your punch line is within ear shot. The problem, of course, is sometimes your audience might be indignant even if they look as you do. The only thing worse than offending some one’s sense of morality is offending their self-image.
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